What is lost is not always found!
by medicalattention
Summary: Drinking your problems away never helps, but will abby ever learn he lesson? she's lost so much but she doesnt realise that someone she knows loves her very much!
1. Staying still

**I look around me; I don't know where I am. Last thing I remember is sitting in some bar, having a few drinks and then… well, the nothing! As I try to get up its like the whole world is spinning around me, and im stuck in the middle, not moving. But everyone else is moving, moving on, and I can't. The whole worlds moving on, so why can't I?**

**I try one more time, and im finally able to get up! At last, the world has stopped and I fell like its moved back to my pace. Like I suddenly exist again. I look around again, and try to think where I could be. Im in some alleyway, hopefully not to far away from the hospital. I have work in 10 minutes and I don't want people to get suspicious. But then again the truth is, I really don't care no more, I don't think nobody will notice that im not there. But I have to go because the ER is all I have left. I can't lose that to…..**


	2. love

**I see her, I see Abby walking through the doors into the building. She is about 40 minutes late but from the look of things she doesn't care. I cant help but wonder 'is she on the drink again?' but Abby knows that she shouldn't.**

_**But that was the old Abby.**_

**I love her so much but she doesn't realise anything any more. Maybe she blames me for the loss of our baby or maybe she blames herself. I've tried talking to her, telling her it's not her fault but she doesn't listen. Its like she's trying to fade away. And I miss her so much, some times when I speak to her its like she's someone else, someone who doesn't know me, who doesn't want to know me or anyone else who loves her. I hope that is she is trying to fade away that she comes back soon. Before it's too late.**


	3. simple gestures

**Sorry about this chapter I forgot to put it up! **

**I hear him calling my name, but I walk on, no looking back. "Abby' why can't he leave me alone? What have I ever done to him?**

_**You killed his child**_

**I shake the thought out of my head, it wasn't my fault. Or was it? I feel tears come to my eyes but I wont let them fall. Never let them fall. "Abby, are you ok" I nod, a simple gesture. **

"**What have I done to you abs, to make you not love me anymore?" oh god, he looks like he's going to cry but I look him dead straight in the eye, shrug and walk away. 3 simple gestures. There was no simple answer to that. I love him always will but I just can't tell him anymore. So I do what im best at. I walk away. I don't know where but somewhere, away from here. Away from him.**


	4. walk away

**And she goes, no looking back. The love of my life, gone. Where? I don't know. She won't talk to me.**

"**Luka you ok?" Sam, I roll my eyes and turn to face her. "Yeah sure im fine, Abby's not talking to me, the baby's dead and I might just loose my job. So yeah everything's great," I say to her. Does that answer her question? I try not to laugh and cry. So I walk away. Walk away from all of this.**

**Just like she did… **


	5. Joesef

I wandered around the streets of Chicago, not knowing where I was going, not caring. I dreamt the over night, that everything was different, that luka didn't nearly get killed by 2 escaped convicts, that Sam didn't get kidnapped, that I didn't go into labour early an that little Josef didn't die.

**That's the big one, Josef. He was so small, handsome and cute. I loved him so much. When I saw him, this feeling came over me. A sudden feeling of love, feelings that I had never felt before but It felt so good, so unreal. He looked at me, his eyes were water blue and looked like he was going to cry all the time. But he was so strong. He lasted longer than anyone thought; they all said he was a little fighter like his mommy and daddy. But yet, he couldn't hold on for that long, because just a week after he was born, his health worsened and as I sat there, holding onto him, for the first time. He looked at me and I knew it was time. I don't know how I just knew that Joe was going to die. While I was holding him in my arms. They all tried to save him, my friends but it was too late. And he was gone. To tell the truth all I remember afterwards was collapsing into Lukas arms. Then waking up to loads of faces in my room, asking me if I was ok. But I couldn't talk. My baby was gone. I saw luka but he turned away. And from that point on, I knew he would never forgive me. I killed his child by insisting I was all right when I wasn't. I could have saved Joe but I didn't. **

**That's why im here now. I always end up here, at this club and I always end up somewhere in the middle of nowhere. It's just a cycle for me. And this time I don't think I can stop! **


	6. telling her

**I have to find her, tell her I love and it's not her fault. I hope she's not where I think she is. Because I love her so much, I just hope she hasn't started drinking again.**

**And there she is, at the bar. Drinking. What do is say? Abby I love you please stop? She won't listen, for gods sake she won't even talk to me! I need to talk to her, hopefully she'll forgive me or maybe she thinks I blame her but I don't. I love you Abby, I love you so much. **

**So I walk up to her, and sit beside her. She just looks at me. " Do you think its your fault Abby?' she just stares at me "is it mine or do you think I blame you?" she's going to cry and Abby hates crying. Then she gets up and walks off. I just stare after her, maybe when she's ready she'll tell me.**

**But then I get up as well, and follow her….**


End file.
